name: amber
age: 22
location: new orleans
aim: sapgirly mail work
August 26, 2001
The babies stare at me. It's not that I'm doing anything, they just look at me. I smile and wave, but they don't smile back. They just stare. What is it they see? What is it the babies see that no one else does? These kids love me and I don't know why. The babies don't smile, but the little kiddies divulge their entire life stories on a whim. They talk to me for two hours. They just sit there. They don't play in the water or go down the slide, they just sit next to me at Otter slide and talk to me for two hours. What is it with these kids? It's the babies that get to me, though. Am I the Anti-Christ and they know it? Am I the second coming of Jesus? (or is the third?) Ha.
In other news, I slammed my finger in the door trying to close it because I had lotion on my palm and was trying not to get the knob all greasy. So I slammed it and said "ow" and then a half hour later, I noticed my finger was all gross and bleeding under the nail and stuff and in a couple days, it's going to be all black and guy-like. Dammit.
My favourite poems are up. They may not be recent, but they're the best I've got. I'm reading Dante's Inferno and it's incredibly interesting, especially the translation I have.
It's now about 8:30 am in the morning and I'm just waiting for 8:40 to roll around so I can go to school. I had to get up early today to do a psychology assignment but I didn't realize it would only take me 10 minutes to do--plus I'm bad at figuring time. I've been surfing for a while now. I've had a lot of good thoughts lately, good blog-worthy ones with lots of significant meaning and shit but they're all gone now and the only worthwhile thing I have to say is that PlanetKiki has a new layout. And I'm saying fuck it to my own domain. Maybe I'll have time for that next year, in college. Right.
We just read Oedipus in my ap english class. Oedipus is a funny, funny guy. Poor fated bastard. In any case, next we're on to Dante's Inferno which should be mighty interesting. I have #2: purgatorio which I think sounds more interesting than the first and maybe, if I ever get a spare moment...ever, I can read that too. Also, I've plunged head first and struck the bottom with Anais Nin's Journal #2 or whatever it is. It's not that I don't like it. She's a brilliant author, but time, time, time. I was supposed to write an essay last night based on One Hundred Years of Solitude dealing with Garcia-Marquez' use of time. I failed miserably. My essay is a disaster. I'm not even sure I have a thesis. I'm going to die when I get to college.
I feel kind of bad for not updating in so long, but not really. I've been horribly busy. I'm not kidding when I say that this is probably the only spare moment I've had in the last week. After the 10th, I was reading nonstop (an entire 350 page novel) until the evening of the 13th. I finished it only to find out that I really needn't have bothered. But I'm still glad I did it. Besides that, I've been busy with school (which I will talk about later) and work (which needs no further mention if you've ever read this before and will bore you if you haven't anyway). It's now Friday and it feels good to just sit down and not have to do anything.
Anyway, school: I am currently taking AP English 12, AP Calculus, Psychology (not that I signed up for it), AP Government & Politics, Auto Tech Beginning (my bird class), and physics. Yeah. I know. It's a real course load, not to mention that on Monday and Thursday night, I'm taking Spanish IV at Diablo Valley College (because my school didn't offer Spanish V and I dont' want to take it at the other high school in our town). But I finally have a locker and have worked out a system by which I can put my books in it and take them out, etc. Ha. Really, nothing important to note, philosophical, editorial or otherwise.
Oh, and gleeb has a new layout. Melissa is so cool. Check it out.
I think it's really disgusting that the new trend is this punk-"rawk" thing. I also think it's very funny. All these "punk" kids running around with their mohawks and plaid and now all the trendy, stupid kids are copying them. The way I see it, there's no way to be safe from the fashion industry. No way! Except partially. See, that's me. I wear some super-trendy clothes. In fact, I happen to own a jacket that I have named my "super-trendy" jacket. I also own lots of dorky cheerleader-wouldn't-touch-with-a-ten-foot-pole clothes. That's the way I like it. I buy stuff that I think is cute and I mostly shop at thrift stores. It works out for me. But I think it's goddamn funny that my punk friends are getting shit about being trendy now.
And yesterday, I used $20 bucks my mom gave me at Amazon (even though, officially, I am boycotting them) to buy a scholarship book. A freaking scholarship book. Could have bought a CD or a good read or something cool but no. I even spent $5 of my own to cover shipping on the bastard. But it's okay. I need money for school. But it scares me, you know? I guess I'm not supposed to admit that. I seriously am frightened by the fact tha the book was for 2002 and that the viewbooks I get now have fall '02 applications in them. Oh holy fuck. College is coming. Am I ready? Nah. Probably not. Foo!
There's lots of different kinds of insanity, you know. There's I-was-born-crazy-and-I'll-always-be-crazy crazy and there's housewife take-care-of-the-kids-and-have-to-fuck-my-insensitive-fat-husband crazy and there's the Tom Hanks I've-been-stranded-on-a-deserted-island-for-four-years-and-I-talk-to-volleyballs crazy. Then there's the had-all-summer-to-do-fat-list-of-projects/required reading-and-didn't-do-any-of-it crazy. Guess which one I fit into?
Oh, but in normal-people talk, I got a haircut.
What do you think?
So I have to publish if I want to change my settings for the blog page, so I'll write a little something. Today, I got an email. It was because someone filled out one of my surveys but no. That wasn't it at all. Really, it was an empty page. Like someone is trying to play a joke on me. Haha. You thought someone filled out your survey. Moron.
Yay! New layout up--only the 3rd for this site in its entire lifetime but one of tons that I have made and never implemented. Yay! So tell me what you think and I know I don't have everything up yet, but I get off at 4 tomorrow and my bro is dying to use the computer and I always kick him off. So be cool! Very cool.
And one last thing, a poll on bolt:
Why do so many famous people suffer from substance abuse?
The pressure of fame gets to them.
The passion that makes one an artist often leads to self-destructive behavior.
Why do so many nonfamous people suffer from substance abuse?
Who knows? Who cares?
My answer: None of the above. Substance abuse is not an unhappy thing for the abuser. If it was, why would he/she take drugs? They feel good, take you out of this crappy-ass reality into a nice, pretty one. Famous people abuse drugs perhaps more than other people because they have the means to do so. Period.
Envy still isn't working, so this still looks like shit and I'm too damn lazy to go back and fix it for until they get their server back up. If you're reading this, then they probably have done it and I'm just writing this for nothing. In any case, I was surfing around and became bored with Lowbrow (which, by the way, is extremely interesting. If you read anything by AquaAmber@bolt.com, that's me.) So I decided I would get back to you, interested and loving readers, about the points of interest I mentioned a day or two ago.
1. Vonnegut. I read Slaughterhouse Five last year. It was extremely good and I look forward to being forced to read it again this year in English AP. I am the kind of person that normally does not buy by author, but rather, just in general, what looks (or from the back of the book) reads good. But I did go out and buy some more Vonnegut. I bought Slapstick but have yet to read it because I'm afraid it won't be as good as Slaughterhouse Five. The very same happened to me with Anthony Burgess (Clockwork Orange) and Irvine Welsch (Trainspotting). I loved the first book I read by them so much I went out and bought another, but The Doctor is Sick by Burgess sucks ass and Acid House by Welsch is a bunch of short stories that are, albiet, entertaining, but certainly not the incredible work of Trainspotting. Dammit. So Slapstick sits in my bookshelf, eyeing me at every chance. Read me, read me it says. But I can't. Not until I have reached that bottom boredom point where I'll settle for a disappointment, as long as I can break my indifference.
2. Eye Contact. It took me a long time to be able to look people in the eyes. Even now, I am not very good at it. You know--the awkward moment when you're walking to meet someone from far away and you could look them right in the face all the way until you meet, or you could look around, or at the floor. What are you supposed to do? I never could figure that out. I have a problem.
3. Pop. I guess I covered pop. I still don't think of Counting Crows as pop.
Okay. So I have this new "mason jar" layout going. Only have my blog page so far, but that's all I would need to have a working site, I suppose...except that GODDAMNIT! Envy isn't working. So if you're reading this you know it looks like shit and I'm sorry. I really am sorry. As soon as Envy gets their shit together, I'll fix it, I swear. That'll be no sooner than 5 o'clock tomorrow (today). Goodbye, loyal readers. Ha.
I'm getting ready to watch Queer as Folk (which, by the way, is awesome), but I thought I'd throw in some type until I'm ready for that. So I was thinking as I usually do when I'm guarding and actually made some notes on my ankle when I was in the guard room so this should be a fairly eclectic, long entry.
What I would like to talk about first is the fact that Dave is very arrogant about ...well, about everything. And it annoys the fuck out of me that he called Counting Crows (my favourite band) too pop for him. I could have smacked him, but no, I just nodded and gave him a "well, that's your opinion" look. Ohp, gotta watch my show. Be back in 45 minutes.
Okay, so it's ...much later than 10:45, but whatever. I've been working on some stuff, tooling around the web. I desperately want to change my layout, but this stupid blogspot shit is annoying. So now I don't really want to write about all the stuff I want to, but I'll leave a note and you can expect me to follow up in the future:
"through the wall, let the book crumble into molecules and atoms passing between atom and atom of the reinforced concrete, breaking up into electrons, neutrons, neutrinos, elementary particles more and more minute; through the telephone wires, let it be reduced to electronic impulses, into the flow of information, shaken by redundancies and noises, and let it be degraded into a swirling entropy."
--Italo Calvino
I had a dream about Bryan last night. (Again. What the fuck?) Anyway, I figure it's one of those unconscious knowledge dreams because he was warning me that at work today, I was going to get a talk about my "work ethics." He said (and I assumed he meant Aaron) was going to talk to me about how I must control my behaviour and stuff. Not that I am wild or anything like that because I'm not. I wonder what's going to happen today. I have always wished I had premonitions or dreams that meant something.
Day Three down, two more to go. You know how there's those State Farm Insurance commercials and the people are supposedly all buddy-buddy with their clients and shit? Well you probably, like me, thought that that was a bunch of BS and that nobody actually hung out with their agents or anything. Well, we're wrong. Today, a group of 50 or something insurance agents bought out the waterpark and invited all their clients. Apparently, people really do do nice stuff (even if it is to keep their customers and solely for a profit).
Other than that, I'm watching 007: The World is Not Enough or something like that and the beginning credits are really weird. It looks like a big lava lamp. And, speaking of lava lamps, Gleeb is selling a decent-looking one for $8, which is considerably cheaper than the $40-50 you normally have to pay. Not that I need or want one, but if you have a hankering for one or something, then definitely. Definitely.
My web page is still not responding. If you want some customer service with your domain name (or lack of domain name, like in my case), don't go through Dotster. There, negative advertising. Or was it...there is no bad advertising? Whatever.
I should be doing my required reading or making AP notecards or doing my AP government project or sleeping ...but I'm not.
It's not actually reality here. It's a fake reality. Where I have to go to work for 8 hours of guarding (11:45-8:30), four days in a row and come home and have to argue with my brother for an hour to get on the computer, only to spend it surfing around, bashing my head against the screen, bashing the sites that I adore, simply because I can't get my own graphics to work. There's a lot more people coming to my site than normal. But no one has said a word in weeks. It's a false reality. And Leap Years isn't anywhere near as good as Queer As Folk.
I ripped up a part of my upper palate and now it hurts like a bitch to breathe because my tongue's pressure against the top of my mouth changes, irritating whatever it is that pains me. Maybe it's one of those things where it's a small cut and I'm gross and got it infected or something or one of those little dots that goes away in a few days. In any case--ow. Oh! A bunch of guys at my work are going to a gay bar tonight. I think it's funny because they're all homophobic and they're going to get to this bar and some of them are attractive and they're going to get hit on and freak out. They're all taking steroids, too, which I think is ridiculous. A bunch of half-grown boys playing around at 24 Hour and some gay bar in the city. What the hell does ubiquitous mean?
I keep changing the top nav on my page, but I'm never satisfied with it. I don't know how to make images like everybody else has. What it used to be was this:
And before that, it was some pretty cool javascript rollover stuff but I'm just not satisfied. NOT SATISFIED, goddangit.
I came here just to look at the newly edited blogs, but I changed my mind and decided that I would do some typing. So, I've been surfing around today and continue to be frustrated at a couple of things:
1. Everybody has a better site than I do.
2. Dotster still has not enabled my website (asphyxiate.org) and I want to say "I have a domain name and it's working and I get (blank) hits a day and EVERYBODY loves me." But I can't say that. Also, I only bought one month worth of web hosting because I wanted to test out Host Rocket's services. So far, I'm extremely pleased with them, but not much with Dotster. In fact, I would like a refund now or something and go somewhere else because they're really being annoying and I want my GODDAMN DOMAIN NAME
5. This website sucks and the best part is the goddamn guestbook because it's the only thing I have that I've used cascading style sheets with because I decided to skip that tutorial on Webmonkey for the first four years of my designing. Fuck me.
