name: amber
age: 22
location: new orleans
aim: sapgirly mail work
September 30, 2003
Don't you just hate that feeling after having taken a test that you screwed up an entire problem?
First organic chemistry exam down. Several more this semester and next semester to go. I walked in there right confident and I walked out of there right confident. But damn did I screw up that Newman Projection question. Darn.
Am I really going to make another post about Counting Crows? Yes, I am:
Some music you know so well it feels like home. Some music you know so well when you realize you haven't listened in quite a while you feel like you need to put in that time with it again. Just to make sure you're cool. Some music gets into your bones and to be without it is like having brittleness inside yourself. Counting Crows are my calcium. I need them to hold my bones together sometimes.
Dream, before I forget the rest:
Joey, devastatingly handsom and much more manly and taller than real life but Joey according to that know-all we have in dreams, came to see me. We were in someone's garage. He was on the phone but when I walked in the garage he kind of looked at it and threw it away. I hugged him and actually jumped on top of him so he was carrying me. We hugged for a long time. And then we just stared at each other. Two of my friends (and I don't know who) came in. One of them said: "It's over. You're getting the crank" (or some other word like crank. I can't remember). I looked at him and said, "It's true." Then he turned into a redheaded girl and ran around my house.
Despite the significance of telling Joey I have somebody new in my dream, it really irritates me to dream about him. It's been almost a year since I've seen him. Holy fuck. It has almost been a year. That's some crazy shit. Thank god I've got somebody new.
And speaking of Josh (another J... I'm still waiting for him to break my heart), things are brilliant. I'm probably in love with him at this point. But I don't know. I've been pretty guarded with him for the most part. And I think he's been the same way with me. I pretty much asked him without asking him last night if he thought he was in love and the answer is definitely no. Which is fine. We're either a month or five months, depending on how you look at it. But I'm having fun and right now that's all that matters to me.
I don't believe that I have ever seen a movie about the Holocaust that did not move me. That said, I also become enfuriated every time I watch a move about the Holocaust. Six million people and you can count the retaliations on your hands. I still cannot believe, after having learned about this time period a hundred times over, that we didn't fight back. We let them haul us out of the country into the ghetto and then from the ghetto to the concentration camps and then right on into the fire. At any of these times, we could have been saved. I always think, during Passover, when we're reading about the Exodus from Egypt, that the Hagaddah should be re-written to have the Holocaust as our major turning point. That we should consider ourselves blessed to have come from that instead of enslavement by the Egyptians. Perhaps in another 2000 years it will be so.
