It's been seven hours and fifteen days
Since U took your love away
I go out every night and sleep all day
Since u took your love away
Since u been gone I can do whatever I want
I can see whomever I choose
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
But nothing
I said nothing can take away these blues
'cos nothing compares
Nothing compares 2 U
It's been so lonely without U here
Like a bird without a song
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling
Tell me baby were did I go wrong
I could put my arms around every boy I see
But they'd only remind me of you
I went to the doctor guess what he told me
Guess what he told me
He said girl U better have fun
No matter what U do
But he's a fool
'cos nothing compares
Nothing compares 2 U
All the flowers that u planted mama
In the back yard
All died when u went away
I know that living with U baby was sometimes hard
But I'm willing to give it another try
'cos nothing compares
Nothing compares 2 U
This isn't about her "mama." This is about when that boy first breaks up with you and things just ain't the same. Some songs are SO sad, even when sung by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes (who rock ass, I might add).
I met all kinds of Irish big-wigs last night. The president of Sinn Féin, most notably. He sat at my table and chatted us up. I was there with three of my girlfriends and I do believe we were there to be eye-candy for the big-wigs, most of whom were old men. It was fun flirting with them, as it always is fun flirting with old rich men. And though we received no money for our efforts, we were rewarded with all kinds of food that is now almost gone from our fridge (we're college girls and we're shameless and we're hungry).
"I love you" feels like new the second time around. And everything is better. I really mean everything. Like you could draw a line between it and all of before. So now there is this instead of that.
And my god, other things.
I should have put this here before -- "Such Great Heights" The Postal Service:
I was thinking it's a sign that the freckles
in our eyes are mirror images and when
we kiss they're perfectly aligned
and I have to speculate that god himself
did make us into corresponding shapes like
puzzle pieces from the clay
and true, it may seem like a stretch, but
its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
head when you're away when I am missing
you to death
when you are out there on the road for
several weeks of shows and when you scan
the radio, I hope this song will guide you home
they will see us waving from such great
heights, "come down now," they'll say
but everything looks perfect from far away,
"come down now," but we'll stay...
I tried my best to leave this all on your
machine but the persistant beat it sounded
thin upon listening
and that frankly will not fly. you will hear
the shrillest highs and lowest lows with
the windows down when this is guiding
you home
if you can't get ahold of the non-techno-like version don't bother.
You don't know what it's like to be a girl (unless you are one). It doesn't matter what you say to me and it doesn't matter even what he says to me I will still be jealous. And dammit, I don't want to be! I have to fight every single minute not to freak out about something. I have to fight to remain my normal fucking self. It's ridiculous and so stupid and I mean to be different but it's not working out that way.
I wrote my first poem in something like a year a little bit ago but it sucks. I did go through my porfolio and I realized that I've written some stuff that doesn't suck. And maybe I only think it's good because I know the surrounding circumstances. But I'm still going to put a couple here.
This one doesn't have a title. But reading it reminds me how much it hurt. How ridiculously bad I felt. I wrote it ages after my ex and I broke up because at the time I couldn't write about it. I know it's no good but it still captures for me that feeling. So here we go:
I find myself crying about scrambled eggs.
Because losing you is like losing everything.
Look how there's no stars in the sky.
Look how the leaves have all fallen off the trees.
You make everything taste like cardboard.
You make the sun disappear behind the clouds.
You run me into the ground.
You throw me against the wall.
I come up so short
and when I go to answer,
I've only been talking to myself.
(January 14, 2003)
Here's another of the same idea:
Your Friend
I don't wanna be your friend,
my love --
your hugging but not kissing
and let's love and not love.
What I need from you is more than that
and you expect me to forgive you
to lay down my arms
and be weak again.
But I will never be weak again
for you.
Don't ask me to lay down my arms
for you, my love --
because I will and you,
you will take more from me.
You will take from me more
than I even possess.
You can't touch me now.
Can't touch me.
I won't let you.
Just try and make me cry.
You can't even touch me now.
You can't touch me.
(October 10, 2002)
This one has real special meaning for me. It's not written to a specific boy. It's written to "you." Maybe you (the reader) will understand that, maybe not. More likely I have no readers. I will never forgive myself for destroying this poem with the last couple of lines... Unrequited is a Cliche Worth Repeating:
You could make me love you
but I won't cry a tear.
Send me the rain
and I'll watch it fall.
I will give up everything
if you'll take the pain.
For anything,
take this terror.
I dream of you -- write you,
call you, see you.
I create you and listen to your breath
over the phone.
Love is not a mystery worth solving.
Love is not roses and sunshine.
Love is a bottomless pit
I throw myself in --
hiding in the darkness.
It is its own punishment.
(July 22, 2001)
I get the aforementioned test back today. I'm nervous.
And I can never get comfortable when I'm in bed with my boyfriend (trying to sleep). Damned twins.
I'm now signed up to be a volunteer for Art for Arts' Sake. It's this awesome night where the galleries open up and everyone can roam freely through them. There's so many people there; it's insane. I'll probably be handing out fliers or taking tickets or some other thing. Tomorrow night will mark the year anniversary of uh... if you follow this website at all you will know. And if not I don't want to dredge it up too much. But it's been a whole damn year (minus a couple of days or so -- last year's Saturday isn't this year's). And I've got a new stupid boyfriend.
I suppose I shouldn't talk about him here. It's gotten me in trouble before. It always ends up looking so much worse than it is because I don't write a bunch of mushy, gushy crap about how great he is here. I only complain about the things that are not perfect. So I'll leave it that he's really really good for me and I hope we're together a long time because I very much enjoy his company and companionship.
